This article sets out to give some well meaning advice on how to speak in public and how to hold a decent conversation with other people. There are techniques such as listening, being humble, making eye contact, using humour, knowing that you are no better than other people and have to learn new things, having a cheery disposition, using role models as a point of reference for your own performance and being prepared with notes if necessary.

The Blarney Stone is a historical stone, or actually part of the Blarney Castle in Ireland where it was believed that kissing the stone can grant you the gift of the gab. Yeah, it seems strange in this day and age, but who are we to question tradition? It’s not like I’m saying that Santa Claus doesn’t exist (OOPS!).

There is so much to know about conversation that anyone, even I, could ever realize. You can go through life watching talk shows; listening to radio programs; attending clubs dedicated to public speaking; participating in ordinary conversations; certain rules still apply when it comes to interaction through words. It may sound tedious, I know, but even though it’s your mouth that’s doing the work, your brain works twice as hard to churn out a lot of things you know. So what better way to start learning to be an effective communicator is to know the very person closest to you: yourself.

1. What you know. Education is all about learning the basics, but to be an effective speaker is to practice what you’ve learned. My stint as guest at every Toastmasters’ meeting I go to taught me that we all have our limitations, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to keep up and share what we know.

2. Listening. It’s just as important as asking questions. Sometimes listening to the sound of our own voice can teach us to be a little bit confident with ourselves and to say the things we believe in with conviction.

3. Humility We all make mistakes, and sometimes we tend to slur our words, stutter, and probably mispronounce certain words even though we know what it means, but rarely use it only to impress listeners. So in a group, don’t be afraid to ask if you’re saying the right word properly and if they’re unsure about it then make a joke out of it. I promise you it’ll make everyone laugh and you can get away with it as well.

4. Eye Contact There’s a lot to say when it comes to directing your attention to your audience with an eye-catching gaze. It’s important that you keep your focus when talking to a large group in a meeting or a gathering, even though he or she may be gorgeous.

5. Kidding around A little bit of humor can do wonders to lift the tension, or worse boredom when making your speech. That way, you’ll get the attention of the majority of the crowd and they’ll feel that you’re just as approachable, and as human to those who listen.

6. Be like the rest of them. Interaction is all about mingling with other people. You’ll get a lot of ideas, as well as knowing what makes people the way they are.

7. Me, Myself, and I. Admit it, there are times you sing to yourself in the shower. I know I do! Listening to the sound of your own voice while you practice your speech in front of a mirror can help correct the stress areas of your pitch. And while you’re at it you can spruce up as well.

8. With a smile A smile says it all much like eye contact. There’s no point on grimacing or frowning in a meeting or a gathering, unless it’s a wake. You can better express what you’re saying when you smile.

9. A Role Model There must be at least one or two people in your life you have listened to when they’re at a public gathering or maybe at church. Sure they read their lines, but taking a mental note of how they emphasize what they say can help you once you take center stage.

10. Preparation Make the best out of preparation rather than just scribbling notes and often in a hurried panic. Some people like to write things down on index cards, while other resort to being a little more silly as they look at their notes written on the palm of their hand (not for clammy hands, please). Just be comfortable with what you know since you enjoy your work.

And that about wraps it up. These suggestions are rather amateurish in the advice given, but I’ve learned to empower myself when it comes to public or private speaking and it never hurts when you are with people to listen how they make conversations and meetings far more enjoyable as well as educational.

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Life Skills | No Comments »

Suffering from chronic stress can make you feel miserable and unhappy inside, but it can also be affecting your waistline and appearance on the outside as well. Discover five ways to combat the effects of stress on your body and mind.

We are all likely to suffer from high stress levels at some point in our lives, and in today’s crowded, busy, fast paced world stress is definitely on the increase. But if left unchecked, high levels of long term stress can wreak havoc with your looks and increase your waistline for a number of reasons.

Part of our physical reaction to stress means our bodies go into a sort of primitive ‘survival mode’ – several hormones including cortisol and adrenalin are released which cause our blood pressure and heart rate to rise, our digestive activity to be suspended and blood to be diverted to our muscles and skin. Our body is preparing us for fight or flight!These changes can significantly affect the way you feel – you may be irritable and anxious, and find it hard to concentrate or to relax. You may also find it difficult to sleep properly, and this can leave you looking tired and feeling unmotivated to exercise. Even worse you may also start craving comfort foods full of fat and sugar. Add to this the fact that high levels of cortisol can cause the body to store fat around the abdomen, and you will soon see the pounds piling on.

But stress can affect you in other ways too. It can cause symptoms such as digestive disorders, muscular tension and headaches which will make you look and feel unhappy, and leave you with little energy to participate in life with a smile and a sparkle. As well as unhealthy food cravings, you may turn to other ‘props’ to help you cope such as caffeine, cigarettes or alcohol, all of which can affect your general health and complexion. Alongside this, stress can cause hair loss and skin rashes, and there is increasing evidence to show that it also accelerates the aging process (just look at how US presidents age after four years!). All in all, the chances are that if you are suffering from long term stress, you are not going to be looking your best.

So what can you do to combat stress, and at the same time shed those extra pounds and bring back a healthy glow? Here are five tips which will help.

1. Take regular exercise. Sounds pretty obvious, but it is well worth fighting the urge to slob out and instead do something active such as swimming, cycling, jogging or hiking. Not only will it help fight the flab, it will also metabolize those fight or flight hormones and make you feel much better.

2. Cut out stimulants such as alcohol and caffeine because they can make you feel wound up and jittery and affect the quality of your sleep.

3. Cut out refined sugar foods and drinks such as cookies, chocolate and sodas. As well as adding unwanted calories to the diet, they can also trigger the release of more adrenalin into the body thus aggravating stress symptoms.

4. Give yourself a makeover. There is nothing like a new hair style, a facial or a new outfit to boost your self esteem and confidence, thereby increasing your resillience to stress.

5. Treat yourself to a massage. As well as being incredibly relaxing, massage increases your circulation and boosts the lymphatic system which is responsible for eliminating toxins, so you will be left feeling relaxed and refreshed, and looking great!

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Personal Development | No Comments »

The discovery of a teenage prank sparks anger, but leads to reflection on modern times. The initial thoughts of modern vandalism flow into memories of innocent mischief in the past, and the hope that all is not changed.

Our yard was toilet-papered last night. The sight greeted me as I opened the front door in my robe, on my way to retrieve the newspaper on this blustery Saturday morning. I had seen such displays before, but always from the road. From my secure vantage of hustling and busting I would look at the homes of parents of children older than my own, and shake my head with naïve amusement as wearied dads with strange, bemused expressions raked the fluttering ribbons from their trees. It was just one of the things that teenagers did, I figured. I had no reason to take the point further, except to recognize that the scene was part off a world of parenting teenagers that I knew lay somewhere ahead.

Suddenly, I am there; the sight catching me unaware of an inevitable certainty, much like the first look at a snowy august morning. I suppose I should have seen it coming. Starting from the day when my youngest caught me skipping pages during reading at bedtime, changes seemingly beyond my control have become more frequent. All of a sudden I’m not privy to the details of the conflicts between my children and their friends at school. Telephone conversations between my children and unknown sources of information stall when I pass through the room. Suddenly my children don’t miss the double entendre of PG-13 comedies; instead, they blush, or worse, laugh as if they have heard the joke before.

Initially I was honored to see the ‘tribute in white’. My son must be popular if someone spent so much time to do this, I reasoned, as if by association his popularity reflected my parental achievements. But I also felt somewhat unsettled. I stood in the middle of a scene heretofore reserved for others, for those older families, and realized that I had been initiated into one more phase of my life. Once more I was being pushed into a new era of parenting, with little warning, and with no formal training. Such is the nature of parenting. In no other job are we expected to adapt, and to ‘ad lib’, to such an extent. We aren’t told “Oh, there is a TV to fix in there- I know you haven’t done it before, but we’re expanding beyond widgets”. My only preparation at this point is a vague recollection of hearing from those who have been here before me that I should make sure the mess is cleaned up before it rains. I’m not sure why that is important.

I am also touched by a melancholy memory, of the days of my youth and of innocent pranks. Sometime between then and now, pranks seem to have taken on a meaner quality; images of ‘soaping windows’ morphing to fears of tainted Halloween candy, or burning bags of dog droppings on porches changing to reports of bombs in mailboxes. The display in front of me this morning reminds me of those innocent days gone by, and I am again touched by the care that has been taken- the bench from the porch carefully balanced atop the basketball backboard, the avoidance of the small tree with the nest of baby birds, the placement of our ‘security sign’ neatly in the bushes, where it could easily be found. And nothing has been done to the mailbox, as if in recognition that a mailbox is no longer a thing of innocent pranks. The whole display does not suggest delinquency. Rather there is almost the suggestion of moral character, of knowing the difference between right and wrong, between old-fashioned youthful mischief and modern delinquency.

I wonder if the distinction between innocent pranks and delinquency is even possible in our ‘modern world’. As we try to protect our children, we steer them from potentially mischievous activities lest innocence and evil be mistakenly confused. “You could be shot- or arrested!” we say. Pranks have always had an edge- but it seems that we used to know where that edge was, and more importantly, we genuinely knew that it shouldn’t be crossed. Yes, we made mistakes- I think of the late night many years ago, when my friends and I left the mannequin lying on the porch of my parents’ house, rang the doorbell, and ran away. I can still hear my mother scream as I think about it. Or I think of the prank phone calls made during a sleepover, and of the guilt I felt later as I read in the small town community newspaper about the elderly disabled woman who was frightened by them. But the stakes seem higher now, and so from the enlightened vantage of parents, we don’t mourn the loss of innocent pranks. Their loss is a trade-off for safety, and we accept the loss as an inevitable casualty of the future. They are just another lost privilege, like the quick airport check in lines of the 20th century. By some bizarre progression of society, we can clone an embryo, but we can’t find a way to allow trick-or-treating after dark.

But on this morning, my sweet melancholic memory will not be denied by adult pessimism. As the sun breaks the clouds and strikes the brilliant streamers, I realize that innocence is still everywhere, if I choose to look for it. I notice again that nothing is broken, and the baby birds in the nest in the small tree are still hungrily chirping. And then I see the toilet paper hanging on the trees for what it is; a sign that all is well. The world is very different now, yet some things, at least this morning, are the same. And I smile as I chase the kids outside to clean up the mess, quickly, before it rains.

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Personal Development | No Comments »