In the modern world, we have a tendency to identify ourselves with how we make our living. This article discusses how this can be problematic and suggests a different perspective on self.

It’s a typical business networking event, an after hours meet-and-greet. “Susan” introduces herself to a friendly-faced woman who then says, “So, what do you do?” These are the words that almost always come out after you introduce yourself to someone new. In the modern world, we have a tendency to identify ourselves with how we make our living. Take Susan, who says she is an accountant, for example. Right away, we may decide that she likes the black and white of numbers, is not particularly socially adept or emotional, saves her money and is not spontaneous.

The truth is, though, is usually much more complex. Susan may be an accountant, but she could also be a daughter, a wife, a parent, a sister, a friend, a chocoholic, a tennis player, an animal lover, and a member of the Sierra Club. She could drive an ancient but functioning Volvo, love to buy expensive shoes on sale, dream of skydiving one day and may be terrified of technology. Perhaps, Susan secretly reads romance novels and sneaks cigarettes while publicly despising both, and adores her husband beyond reason.

As you can see, placing yourself in a box by identifying so closely with your career choices or to judge others by the same can be limiting and misleading. It can foreclose possible business opportunities as well as social ones as well, especially if someone has already closed their ears after hearing what you do having made their own quick judgment of you and your worth to them.

Then there is the additional danger of losing your sense of self should the job disappear. Anyone who has been fired or downsized or has retired can relate to the feelings of loss and confusion about who they are when they can no longer say “I am a blank” or “I work at blank.” This is especially true if the person oriented their whole lives to supporting their business life.

Immersion in the people and corollaries of their career choice such as getting an education in the field, joining a specific church, becoming a member of certain organizations (social, business and charitable) and socializing primarily with co-workers are all great when you share the same work environment. When you retire, resign or are downsized, though, such single-mindedness is the equivalent of putting all of your eggs in the same basket. It can be difficult to continue in these relationships when the common thread, the job, is gone.

When I work with clients who are struggling to define themselves or reinvent themselves, we often encounter the idea of choice. For many people, saying “I am a blank” feels limiting so I usually start with sharing with them the distinction between “I am an accountant” to “I am a person who works as an accountant.” I typically ask them to brainstorm an idea map stemming from the phrase “I am a person who…” and showing all of the different roles they choose to play, so they can visually see what a complex and interesting individual they are.

Once people are anchored in their own identity, it becomes much easier to weed through their needs, wants and desires so that they can re-orient their lives in a way that is fulfilling and purposeful. Of course, it’s even easier to do this when people have not wholly invested their identities with their career choices.

So what would it take to get you out of your box today? How much of yourself, including how you define yourself and what you do are enmeshed in your career and supporting your career? What steps would you have to take to “diversify” what your sense of self is so that you can spread your risk so that it is more acceptable to you? Are you ready to become “a person who…”?

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com

Life Skills | No Comments »

Who Controls Your Success?  Your Mind Does.  The vast majority of people don’t have control over their mind ask themselves poor questions, consequently never achieve the heights of success they desire.  Use these tips to take Control and Attract Even More Success into Your Life

Your success is controlled by your thoughts.

Do you have control over your thoughts? Sadly, the vast majority of people don’t.

The quality of the questions you ask yourself and the quality of your answers will dictate the degree of success and fulfillment in your life.

When something goes wrong or you are met with a challenge what thoughts immediately enter your mind? For many, many people they are de-energizing thoughts and questions that sound something like this:

• What’s wrong with me?


• How come this always happens to me?


• Can I avoid being blamed for this?


• Why me?


• Why do I always/never …?


• Am I good enough?”


• What if I’m not good enough?

De-energizing questions trap you where you are (or in your history), they  tend to be backward focused, defensive, dis-empowering.

If you find yourself guilty of regularly using a repertoire of questions similar to those above, then …

Do this exercise

1. Grab a piece of paper right now!


2. Draw a line down the middle of the page and on the left-hand side write down all the benefits you get from this type of thinking.


3. Now on the right-hand side, write down all the damage that this type of thinking causes you.

So how are these questions serving you? Are these de-energizing questions helping you to move forward in life, toward achieving what you want?

To power-fill your life you need to focus on asking energizing questions. Energizing Questions sound like:

• What can I learn from this situation?


• What is the opportunity here for me?


• How can we all win from this?


• How can I get around this problem?


• What is the end-result I want?


• What will be the benefits if I …?


• How can we best support each other to …?

Energizing Questions are forward moving, forward focused … they send you down a path of looking for solutions that are energizing and empowering.

They have a positive impact on your attitude, energy, feelings and performance.

If you are responsible for leading and/or influencing others then Energizing Questions are a very useful tool to add to your toolkit. They enable you to inspire people to focus on possibilities rather negativities.

Here are the principles in asking/developing great energizing questions (whether you are using them on yourself or on others):

• They are open-ended. Yes/No answers discourage thinking.


• They focus on where you are heading, not what went wrong. Yes, you can learn, indeed must learn, from your mistakes and errors, however give your primary focus to where you want to go


• They focus on the ‘what’ or the ‘how’ and not ‘why’. Think back to the last time you were asked a ‘why’ question - “Why did you do that?” - did you get defensive, start to back-pedal? As soon as you are asked ‘why’ you tend to feel judged. Instead, ask questions like “Help to understand what lead up to you doing …?”, “How are you planning to …?”; “What is the next step in …?” “What do you want to …?”

If you, or the people around you are, are not being as successful as you want, then Energizing Questions can be a great place for you to start to turn things around.

What you focus on is what you will receive, I promise!

Growth Opportunity

1. Identify the primary questions you ask of yourself and others - are they Energizing or De-Energizing Questions? 

2. Listen to the questions you hear others around you asking - are they Energizing or De-Energizing Questions? 

3. If they are focused on de-energizing what can you do to help yourself and others to shift your thinking toward more of what you do want, rather than what you don’t want?

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com

Life Skills | No Comments »

9 keys for how to get motivated and stay motivated! Learn easy ways to motivate yourself to overcome procrastination, practice patience and perseverance. Eat better, exercise, and make a decision to choose to be happy in spite of your circumstances. Here’s how…

“Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you don’t set any condition.” Artur Rubenstein

1) Practice patience, perseverance, and prayer. There’s a story of the person who prayed, “God, please give me patience, and hurry!” In this day and age of cell phones, fax machines and instant gratification, it’s easy to want what we want NOW. No one is willing to wait anymore. However, as we mature, we discover that it often takes patience, perseverance, and a lot of hard work to get the things we really want. Whether it’s a promotion at work, losing weight, or having a great relationship.

If you believe in God, pray for patience, persistence and guidance. God sees the big picture. We don’t. Often, looking back, we see that many of the things we just “had to have” weren’t really right for us anyway.

2) Learning how to overcome procrastination helps you get motivated and stay motivated. I believe deep down most people know what they’re supposed to do to improve their lives. But we procrastinate doing that activity. We just don’t want to do it. Whether it’s getting rid of the clutter in our home or office, cleaning up our eating habits or cleaning out the garage. Most of us know there’s something we need to do that we’ve been procrastinating. Yet, by procrastinating a task, we end up cluttering our minds further by thinking about what we should be doing.

Again, if you have certain spiritual beliefs, just ask for the courage to do it. Turn to God. This is not something I discuss in my speaking engagements as my audiences are diverse businesspeople from different backgrounds. But asking for strength works. By admitting your weakness you will often gain strength in overcoming procrastination. And getting help in many other areas of your life as well.

Stop trying to do it all yourself. Give yourself a break. Give up some of the control. Take it in baby steps. For example, clean up just half of the garage. Or, begin that exercise program just three days a week for 30 minutes a day. Too often we fall into the “all or nothing” mentality. If we can’t do it all at once, well, we simply don’t do it at all!

3) Practice positive thinking.

Think about what you’re thinking about! I read on the internet that the number one thing people would like to change for the new year is to have a more positive attitude. Thoughts lead to words. Words lead to actions, and your actions determine your approach to your career, relationships, health and just about everything else. Positive thinking is something you often have to practice.

I am a worrier. And of all things, a motivational speaker! It’s my job to help people become more productive, improve morale and stay motivated. In many cases, it’s also my job to help them increase profitability. Worrying is a habit I’ve tried to consistently break. After all, worrying is negative thinking. Worry doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t add a single day to your life. I make a conscious effort to think about what I’m thinking about. I shift my thinking to the positve whenever possible and it’s becoming more of a habit. Becoming more aware of your thoughts is half the battle.

4) Eat right in order to feel happier, healthier, and stay motivated. We all know what to eat but often need to be reminded. Too many junky foods produce junky negative thoughts. Start your morning with protein to stabilize your blood sugar. Increase your daily intake of fresh fruits and vegetables. Switch to organics whenever possible toavoid exposure to harmful pesticides. If you travel a lot this isn’t always easy. Do the best you can. Remember, moderation is the key. The minute you have that all or nothing approach, you set yourself up for disaster by beating yourself up for not being perfect.

See your doctor to find out what types of vitamins and minerals you should be taking. Studies show that even when we’re eating at our healthiest many of us are still missing vital nutrients. Drink more water. If you’re under a time crunch, and who isn’t these days, try eating raw nuts such as almonds or pumpkin seeds for protein and iron. Dried fruits such as apricots, raisins and cranberries contain vital nutrients and add lots of flavor. I do this all the time when I’m conducting day-long speaking engagements. It’s vital for me in keeping up my energy and blood sugar levels not to mention improved mental acuity. Find out what works for you because everyone is different.

How To Get Motivated and Stay Motivated…

Choose To Be Happy In Spite of Your Circumstances

5) Make a decision that you will be happy in spite of your circumstances. Don’t wait until everything is going your way in order to be content. Otherwise you will spend much of your life discontented. Avoid the “when script.” For example, “When I get that promotion then I’ll be happy.” Or, “When I get pregnant and have children then I’ll be happy.” How many times have you heard people say, “Once the kids are grown and out of the house THEN I’ll be happy!”There’s always that illusive “when script” projecting into the future. And just because you count on something positive to happen, doesn’t mean it always does. People aren’t perfect and can disappoint you. You can lose your job. Your money can disappear. Things won’t always go your way. It’s okay to plan ahead and set goals for where you want to be. Just make certain you’re also happy where you are now.

6) Don’t compare yourself to others. We tend to compare the worst in ourselves with the best in others. Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. This is especially true for women. In our society, we’re bombarded with magazines and media projecting an unrealistic standard of what we are supposed to look like. Many magazines feature ads with supermodels who are six feet tall. Even worse, the photos have been airbrushed and retouched dozens of times. Focus on developing your own unique gifts and talents. If you’re too focused on trying to be like other people, you will become discouraged, give up, and lose sight of your dream.

7) Rest, relax, and recharge completely. It’s one thing to get motivated, but to stay motivated you need downtime. If you’re sleepy on a weekend afternoon, take a nap. In our fast-paced American society, this is virtually impossible during the work week. America is one of the few countries in the world that doesn’t take an afternoon break. Lots of scientific research has shown that lack of sleep negatively affects mood, stress levels, mental acuity, weight, and overall performance. If you’re tired, you’re more likely to snap. You won’t be a pleasant person to be around.

Exercise plays an important role in getting and staying motivated. For example, many participants in my speaking engagements tell me that walking outdoors during a short lunch break is enough to reenergize them. Exercising outdoors is especially beneficial in helping reduce depression during the winter months.

While you’re exercising, and driving to and from work, listen to your favorite music. One of my favorite songs is “It’s On,” from Boney James “Pure” CD. Very upbeat music with lots of saxophone, and serves as a huge energy booster and mood lifter for me! I’ll often play it after finishing a project. It’s a small but very positive reward.

9) Get out of yourself. Be grateful for what you have. Do you have enough clothing, food, and a roof over your head? Probably so. Do volunteer work, or spend time listening to a friend or family member in need. By helping others you realize that whatever your “trauma of the day” happens to be, really isn’t so important after all.

Focus more on what you have, not on what you don’t have. Today, make a conscious decision to be happy in spite of your circumstances.

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com

Life Skills | No Comments »